The Great Toilet Seat Debate and My Mate Maths

Why why why is the argument over toilet seats so one sided?

This is one of the most enduring of societal rifts – and one I’ve been looking to get off my chest for years.

Even though I’m about to quash it beyond any shred of reasoned argument I don’t think for a moment that any of my loyal readers (either of them) are likely to go forth preaching a transformed view. Never-the-less…

So, to nutshell this divided view:

Who is more likely (no, I’ll go so far as to say ONLY likely) to make a comment about whether a toilet seat is left up or down?

EVER hear a man make one? You haven’t have you?

And yet, and YET - read on…

Let’s make a cool, UNempassioned analysis.

We’ll compare a typical scenario – 50:50, male:female household environment. Say… 2 of each.

In an average day, each member uses the loo - say – twice for #1 and once for #2 – it really doesn’t matter – the point is equal usage.

We’re going to assume that every user leaves the seat the way they were finished with it (this, after all, forms the crux of the gripe)

OK – in this example there are 6 uses a day by female members – all of which leave the seat down.

And, of course, 6 uses by males – 4 left up + 2 left down.

Out of a dozen uses per day, 8 leave it with the seat down. With me so far?

Of course, the gripe comes from how it was left by whoever you follow.

(Can we agree it is unlikely that any member would follow themselves? It’s not critical – just tidier)

So – in any typical day a female is ideally finding the seat down 100% of the time.

12 uses minus their own 3 leaves 9 possibilities, yeah?

Of those 9, there’s 3 ‘downs’ from the other female and 2 from the males – 5 ‘downs’ altogether.

So they have a 4 out of 9 possibility of NOT having the seat left the way they want if left untouched.

For any man, the whole house’s 4 ‘up’ and 8 ‘down’ less their own use yields 2 ‘up’ and 7 ‘down’.

They have a 7 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.

So – did we all follow that?

Women – vocally hard done by 44% of the time

Men – put out 77% of the time – and not a peep

But, you know what? Personally, and I think I’m not alone here) up OR down still means A) the bowls contents get vaporised and distributed ‘round the room as you flush and B) a not-especially charming feature is on display every time you walk into the bathroom – even if you’re just brushing your teeth.

Me – I put the LID down each and every time.

(& no, I haven’t overlooked if men go in hoping for ‘down’, they have an additional 2 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.)