Thursday, August 25, 2011

Mole Hairs

Why why why leave moles with hairs growing out of them?

There’s a whole bunch of dimly remembered ‘wisdom’ – possibly passed on from parents – (grandparents?) – that just doesn’t stand up to close examination.

Judging by the considerable number of moles proudly sprouting jungles of untamed hair on the faces of some of our more senior members of society, I’m guessing they all learned that you shouldn’t oughta pluck mole hairs. Maybe it’ll go malignant or something - so they get left.

Ew, right?

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I got told that, too – but I’ve always ignored it. I have moles. They grow the occasional hair. I pluck ‘em. Hang the consequences.

Ah, but that little niggling question remained… was there something in it?

So. I ask my dermatologist. Yeah? Right!

Not Gazza down the pub – a qualified, certificates on the wall, DERMATOLOGIST.

I asked him outright – is there any problem with plucking hairs from moles?

He chortled as he answered (you know, that thing between a snort and a chuckle) – no, not at all.

There you have it. You can pluck with carefree abandon.

And if you’re still worried about the consequences – nobody said you couldn’t CUT them.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Why why why do so many dye-jobs fall short of eyebrows?


Actually – this time, I’m straight-up curious.

OK – when I DO see a – you know – ‘obvious’ ‘job’… my little society critic is going ‘ho HO – there’s a perceived transgression of logic’… he’s hard to restrain.

But. I actually don’t have strong – any, really – logical convictions on the issue. It ‘feels’ wrong but I can’t argue empirically against it, that’s all.

To me, though, the question remains; if the intention is to appear, say, naturally blonde (PMS: ‘Naturally’), then why tarnish the lead character’s performance with a couple of poorly briefed extras?

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Busting a move at the movies


Why why why show people your butt at the theatre?

By that I mean - while inside the theatre, as you make your way to the middle seat in the row.

Most people - OK, everybody but me - shuffles past other patrons facing the screen/stage. 

This is less than ideal for two reasons. 

First, the tilt of the seats in front makes it more difficult for you. You must have noticed that ungainly feeling like you could topple down into the front seats at any moment while your knees are barked on the seat numbers.

Meanwhile, because your body can only bend at the waist, any effort to regain balance thrusts your cheeks right into the noses of those you're passing.

Even Eva's tush, while celebrated on the red carpet, would be unwelcome. 

Solution? Try facing the people you’re passing and you’ll move by with far greater ease (and dignity).  

Forget that you don't see anybody else doing it - have a go and you'll soon see the old way was nothing more than ovine mimicry.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Great Toilet Seat Debate and My Mate Maths


Why why why is the argument over toilet seats so one sided?


This is one of the most enduring of societal rifts – and one I’ve been looking to get off my chest for years.


Even though I’m about to quash it beyond any shred of reasoned argument I don’t think for a moment that any of my loyal readers (either of them) are likely to go forth preaching a transformed view. Never-the-less…


So, to nutshell this divided view:


Who is more likely (no, I’ll go so far as to say ONLY likely) to make a comment about whether a toilet seat is left up or down?


EVER hear a man make one? You haven’t have you?


And yet, and YET - read on…


Let’s make a cool, UNempassioned analysis.


We’ll compare a typical scenario – 50:50, male:female household environment. Say… 2 of each.


In an average day, each member uses the loo - say – twice for #1 and once for #2 – it really doesn’t matter – the point is equal usage.


We’re going to assume that every user leaves the seat the way they were finished with it (this, after all, forms the crux of the gripe)


OK – in this example there are 6 uses a day by female members – all of which leave the seat down.


And, of course, 6 uses by males – 4 left up + 2 left down.


Out of a dozen uses per day, 8 leave it with the seat down. With me so far?


Of course, the gripe comes from how it was left by whoever you follow.


(Can we agree it is unlikely that any member would follow themselves? It’s not critical – just tidier)


So – in any typical day a female is ideally finding the seat down 100% of the time.


12 uses minus their own 3 leaves 9 possibilities, yeah?


Of those 9, there’s 3 ‘downs’ from the other female and 2 from the males – 5 ‘downs’ altogether.


So they have a 4 out of 9 possibility of NOT having the seat left the way they want if left untouched.


For any man, the whole house’s 4 ‘up’ and 8 ‘down’ less their own use yields 2 ‘up’ and 7 ‘down’.


They have a 7 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.


So – did we all follow that?


Women – vocally hard done by 44% of the time


Men – put out 77% of the time – and not a peep


But, you know what? Personally, and I think I’m not alone here) up OR down still means A) the bowls contents get vaporised and distributed ‘round the room as you flush and B) a not-especially charming feature is on display every time you walk into the bathroom – even if you’re just brushing your teeth.


Me – I put the LID down each and every time.



(& no, I haven’t overlooked if men go in hoping for ‘down’, they have an additional 2 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Finger on the button

Why why why did the belief develop that repeated pressing of the button on a elevator/photocopier/pedestrian crossing would somehow speed its operation?

It doesn’t.

(OK, I know it’s done as a vent for frustration, I’m really gloating about my own patience.)
(And, I guess, a certain stubbornness to NOT to what is clearly so instinctive)
(Besides which, is there any more insidious way to spread contagion than these very focussed hotspots of public contact? How many times do you really want to press your fingertips against them?)

Teabags in the sink

Why why why toss used teabags in the sink?

I don't 'get' tea anyway, I'm all about coffee... but I've seen tea drinkers the world over share this unfathomable - what is it? - "habit"? ...Plonking their gross little afterbirths on the stainless steel - to maybe, eventually, discard some time, who knows when? After it 'drains'? I'll tell you - bugger all more drains past that first squeeze and surely - surely - it’s just as easy to hit the bin - it is, after all, where they’re going to end up anyway...