The Great Toilet Seat Debate and My Mate Maths

Why why why is the argument over toilet seats so one sided?

This is one of the most enduring of societal rifts – and one I’ve been looking to get off my chest for years.

Even though I’m about to quash it beyond any shred of reasoned argument I don’t think for a moment that any of my loyal readers (either of them) are likely to go forth preaching a transformed view. Never-the-less…

So, to nutshell this divided view:

Who is more likely (no, I’ll go so far as to say ONLY likely) to make a comment about whether a toilet seat is left up or down?

EVER hear a man make one? You haven’t have you?

And yet, and YET - read on…

Let’s make a cool, UNempassioned analysis.

We’ll compare a typical scenario – 50:50, male:female household environment. Say… 2 of each.

In an average day, each member uses the loo - say – twice for #1 and once for #2 – it really doesn’t matter – the point is equal usage.

We’re going to assume that every user leaves the seat the way they were finished with it (this, after all, forms the crux of the gripe)

OK – in this example there are 6 uses a day by female members – all of which leave the seat down.

And, of course, 6 uses by males – 4 left up + 2 left down.

Out of a dozen uses per day, 8 leave it with the seat down. With me so far?

Of course, the gripe comes from how it was left by whoever you follow.

(Can we agree it is unlikely that any member would follow themselves? It’s not critical – just tidier)

So – in any typical day a female is ideally finding the seat down 100% of the time.

12 uses minus their own 3 leaves 9 possibilities, yeah?

Of those 9, there’s 3 ‘downs’ from the other female and 2 from the males – 5 ‘downs’ altogether.

So they have a 4 out of 9 possibility of NOT having the seat left the way they want if left untouched.

For any man, the whole house’s 4 ‘up’ and 8 ‘down’ less their own use yields 2 ‘up’ and 7 ‘down’.

They have a 7 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.

So – did we all follow that?

Women – vocally hard done by 44% of the time

Men – put out 77% of the time – and not a peep

But, you know what? Personally, and I think I’m not alone here) up OR down still means A) the bowls contents get vaporised and distributed ‘round the room as you flush and B) a not-especially charming feature is on display every time you walk into the bathroom – even if you’re just brushing your teeth.

Me – I put the LID down each and every time.

(& no, I haven’t overlooked if men go in hoping for ‘down’, they have an additional 2 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.)

Toothpaste

Why why why squeeze toothpaste from the top?

This is more than observing simple quirks of practice – it is one of the classic societal rifts – separating the top squeezers, bottom squeezers (and the less often sighted, middle squeezer) brings to light indications of each group’s overall character and tendency.

The curious thing is that all members of all groups understand the physics involved at an intrinsic level, yet choose to respond in their own particular, revealing way.

No one can dispute that the tube’s contents must travel from the sealed end to the open end. And yet…

Something in the top squeezer’s mind says to perform the action near to the point the paste is dispensed and completely overlook the (undisputed) fact that that same action also pushes the majority of the contents in the wrong direction.

The bottom squeezer can only see the rational – the contents must move from the bottom to the top, he knows that the desired end product of his actions will appear (and continue to appear) therefore this is the only place to apply pressure - for him there is no other option.

The middle squeezer? Something more primal is going on here that I can’t fully comprehend – but not giving a damn is probably wrapped up in it.

A degree of not giving a damn is likely on the top squeezer’s mind as well, especially if they co-habit with a bottom squeezer. They know that the BS compulsion will restock their top-of-tube needs and their instant-gratification-with-no-thought-to-later-consequences needs are met.

What I find most telling (as a BS) is that when presenting the logical case to a TS there is no hint of desire to change their practice.

As a rational, if I am presented with a modification in behaviour that demonstrates clear advantage, I need no persuasion – the improved method is actively adopted until something better comes along.

The TS mentality betrays a broader tendency to contrarily not take on a clearly more rational behaviour for the very reason that someone has pointed it out to them. (And I’m looking at you, every single woman in the world, ever)

Toilet Paper - the wrong way

Why why why put toilet paper on its holder the wrong way?

There’s a wrong way? Oh, yes.

Installing the roll with the flow towards the wall (under) is just plain inefficient - it’s harder to reach the end and trickier to tear when you do. 

Have you ever walked into a hotel bathroom and seen it that way? No.

(And you know what group commits this malpractice the most often? Well, you'll see this entry has a 'Sexism' tag)

(You know what else? If I find it 'wrong' - I make it right - that's how strongly I feel about it)

Away from the wall (over) makes all the sense. End of story.

(But stay tuned for the toilet seat myth - it's a doozy)

Women and jumpers

Why why why do women remove their jumpers inside-out?

I’m not going to generalise and say all women do it all the time (you can’t really generalise about anything), I’m just saying it’s definitely frequent enough to warrant comment...

For me, though, it typifies a 'general frequency' of the female reluctance to adopt a practise - EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW IT IS SUPERIOR - (there's trouble, right there...)

See, if you take jumpers off right-way-out to begin with, you don’t have to revert them - every... single... time. 

The funny thing is, once you figure out how to do that (not difficult in itself) - I think it's actually easier than doing it, well, 'wrong'.

How is it done? Simple! Don’t pull from the bottom - grip the top by the collar and when you’ve got that bit past your head, remove from arms by grabbing the cuffs. Voila!