I'm not alone...

Looks like I'm not the only one who has this ridiculous way of asking a question...
 

Engaged!

Why why why attempt to barge into a public toilet cubicle without checking to see if it’s occupied?

It's probably a sign of superficial character but I found myself aligning with George Costanza when he said, "You know, we're living in a society!"

Even when the “engaged” is purposefully displayed, there’s so often a complete inability to imagine/recall what it is like as the occupant...

Members of a ‘civilisation’ would surely knock.

Passive aggression

Why, why, why is “Passive Aggressive” so demonised? Whoever dreamed that expression up gave the lazy, incompetent and inconsiderate a wall to hide behind from where they can point and laugh at people who actually care about the conditions of a shared environment.

A note is left in a kitchen; “Can people please clean up after themselves?” – oh… oh… sounds to me like a cue for gales of mockery and derision.

WHO could so risibly make such a public declaration of their nothingness? These people, with their civil requests for basic, yea, fundamental levels of order are an embarrassment to themselves and everyone.

Oh to be so guilt free. Seriously, if I ever encountered a note like this, I’d take a look at myself and wonder how I might have contributed to letting communal standards slip. And what I could be doing to bring them back up to scratch.

Others must, I guess, must read them and have one of a range of alternative reactions which could include:

• Huh?
• Wha?
• Oh look, how precious – a ‘passive aggressive’ note – what a sap, what a dweeb – fancy asking the rest of us non-caring slobs to actually DO something about our own mess – Ha – HA! – whoever did that is such a small-minded little nobody nothing I can’t believe it – like I’m ever going to lift my slovenly standards just because some desperate little milksop tries to ‘politely’ ask – how positively, terminally ridiculous
• Grunt
• Ooga booga

This, of course, doesn’t represent the full range of responses – there could also be: “I’ll just bet that’s writing, wonder what it says” or smearing their own faeces on the wall [surprisingly common].

It’s obvious those who care and have standards can’t change the actions of those who don’t. But we can at least fight them on their own terms.

So, what I think is called for is a comparable expression for the lazy, incompetent and inconsiderate cunts who can’t be arsed to fulfil their role in a community.

I’m thinking of something along the lines of “lazy, incompetent, inconsiderate bastards”. Is that too harsh? Let’s face it – the rest of us have only had to deal with “passive aggressive” for the past countless years and the lazy, incompetent, inconsiderate bastards might get a bit offended.

Fuck ‘em.

Mole Hairs

Why why why leave moles with hairs growing out of them?

There’s a whole bunch of dimly remembered ‘wisdom’ – possibly passed on from parents – (grandparents?) – that just doesn’t stand up to close examination.

Judging by the considerable number of moles proudly sprouting jungles of untamed hair on the faces of some of our more senior members of society, I’m guessing they all learned that you shouldn’t oughta pluck mole hairs. Maybe it’ll go malignant or something - so they get left.

Ew, right?

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I got told that, too – but I’ve always ignored it. I have moles. They grow the occasional hair. I pluck ‘em. Hang the consequences.

Ah, but that little niggling question remained… was there something in it?

So. I ask my dermatologist. Yeah? Right!

Not Gazza down the pub – a qualified, certificates on the wall, DERMATOLOGIST.

I asked him outright – is there any problem with plucking hairs from moles?

He chortled as he answered (you know, that thing between a snort and a chuckle) – no, not at all.

There you have it. You can pluck with carefree abandon.

And if you’re still worried about the consequences – nobody said you couldn’t CUT them.

Why why why do so many dye-jobs fall short of eyebrows?

Actually – this time, I’m straight-up curious.

OK – when I DO see a – you know – ‘obvious’ ‘job’… my little society critic is going ‘ho HO – there’s a perceived transgression of logic’… he’s hard to restrain.

But. I actually don’t have strong – any, really – logical convictions on the issue. It ‘feels’ wrong but I can’t argue empirically against it, that’s all.

To me, though, the question remains; if the intention is to appear, say, naturally blonde (PMS: ‘Naturally’), then why tarnish the lead character’s performance with a couple of poorly briefed extras?

Busting a move at the movies

Why why why show people your butt at the theatre?

By that I mean - while inside the theatre, as you make your way to the middle seat in the row.

Most people - OK, everybody but me - shuffles past other patrons facing the screen/stage. 

This is less than ideal for two reasons. 

First, the tilt of the seats in front makes it more difficult for you. You must have noticed that ungainly feeling like you could topple down into the front seats at any moment while your knees are barked on the seat numbers.

Meanwhile, because your body can only bend at the waist, any effort to regain balance thrusts your cheeks right into the noses of those you're passing.

Even Eva's tush, while celebrated on the red carpet, would be unwelcome. 

Solution? Try facing the people you’re passing and you’ll move by with far greater ease (and dignity).  

Forget that you don't see anybody else doing it - have a go and you'll soon see the old way was nothing more than ovine mimicry.

The Great Toilet Seat Debate and My Mate Maths

Why why why is the argument over toilet seats so one sided?

This is one of the most enduring of societal rifts – and one I’ve been looking to get off my chest for years.

Even though I’m about to quash it beyond any shred of reasoned argument I don’t think for a moment that any of my loyal readers (either of them) are likely to go forth preaching a transformed view. Never-the-less…

So, to nutshell this divided view:

Who is more likely (no, I’ll go so far as to say ONLY likely) to make a comment about whether a toilet seat is left up or down?

EVER hear a man make one? You haven’t have you?

And yet, and YET - read on…

Let’s make a cool, UNempassioned analysis.

We’ll compare a typical scenario – 50:50, male:female household environment. Say… 2 of each.

In an average day, each member uses the loo - say – twice for #1 and once for #2 – it really doesn’t matter – the point is equal usage.

We’re going to assume that every user leaves the seat the way they were finished with it (this, after all, forms the crux of the gripe)

OK – in this example there are 6 uses a day by female members – all of which leave the seat down.

And, of course, 6 uses by males – 4 left up + 2 left down.

Out of a dozen uses per day, 8 leave it with the seat down. With me so far?

Of course, the gripe comes from how it was left by whoever you follow.

(Can we agree it is unlikely that any member would follow themselves? It’s not critical – just tidier)

So – in any typical day a female is ideally finding the seat down 100% of the time.

12 uses minus their own 3 leaves 9 possibilities, yeah?

Of those 9, there’s 3 ‘downs’ from the other female and 2 from the males – 5 ‘downs’ altogether.

So they have a 4 out of 9 possibility of NOT having the seat left the way they want if left untouched.

For any man, the whole house’s 4 ‘up’ and 8 ‘down’ less their own use yields 2 ‘up’ and 7 ‘down’.

They have a 7 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.

So – did we all follow that?

Women – vocally hard done by 44% of the time

Men – put out 77% of the time – and not a peep

But, you know what? Personally, and I think I’m not alone here) up OR down still means A) the bowls contents get vaporised and distributed ‘round the room as you flush and B) a not-especially charming feature is on display every time you walk into the bathroom – even if you’re just brushing your teeth.

Me – I put the LID down each and every time.

(& no, I haven’t overlooked if men go in hoping for ‘down’, they have an additional 2 out of 9 possibility of NOT having it left the way they want.)

Finger on the button

Why why why did the belief develop that repeated pressing of the button on a elevator/photocopier/pedestrian crossing would somehow speed its operation?

It doesn’t.

(OK, I know it’s done as a vent for frustration, I’m really gloating about my own patience.)

(And, I guess, a certain stubbornness to NOT do what is clearly so instinctive)

(Besides which, is there any more insidious way to spread contagion than these very focussed hotspots of public contact? How many times do you really want to press your fingertips against them?)

Teabags in the sink

Why why why toss used teabags in the sink?

I don't 'get' tea anyway, I'm all about coffee... but I've seen tea drinkers the world over share this unfathomable - what is it? - "habit"? ...Plonking their gross little afterbirths on the stainless steel - to maybe, eventually, discard some time, who knows when? After it 'drains'? I'll tell you - bugger all more drains past that first squeeze and surely - surely - it’s just as easy to hit the bin - it is, after all, where they’re going to end up anyway...

Public Transport

Why why why is public transport so antisocial?

Twice a day so many of us are emphatically reminded that we have become mindless drones. How did we let it happen? How did we accept that joining the daily livestock transport to our daily drudge was a normal existence? 

Public transport. There’s clearly an innate, if not consciously acknowledged, loathing of it as we engineer our morning preparations so that arrival at stops and stations will be at the last possible minute. And maybe it’s that established inner despising of this inescapable, robotic indignity that causes us to treat everyone else subjected to it with such lack of care.

Spontaneous interaction at a bus stop is rare – there’s never a “Nice day”, at best you’ll get a grumbled agreement on scheduling deficiencies. From the moment a bus arrives you can sense every commuter’s judgement of every other as inferior. Queuing? Ha! It’s everyone for themselves. “You’re buying a ticket?”, anyone caught behind is thinking, “Why weren’t you organised enough to buy a pass? Cretin.” And the driver is perpetually bemused that no-one uses the machine next to him/her.

Even though we know the bus will be full in two stops we’d sooner die than sit next to a stranger as long as there’s an empty seat. (It can’t be for the window – it’s the same dreary view as yesterday.) Try plonking yourself next to someone “prematurely” and you’ll receive a look usually reserved for lepers. And when seating capacity is reached and it’s standing room only we expose our inability to learn what must be life’s most difficult lesson. Despite being coached day after interminable day the modern bus traveller is incapable, incapable, of moving to the back without being told.

Yet there is glimmer of unity as the bus pulls up to a stop – for some reason a fellow passenger’s needs will be considered if only to join in a chorus of “Back door, driver!”.

If you take a bus and a train your fun is doubled. Train travel has brought about its own subtly unique conditionings. Here, for instance, we see a juvenile mindset that survives heartily into adulthood, ie: once an immediate need is met no broader consequences can be considered. Notably, entry into a train. (Again, every man for themselves.) But the instant footfall onto the carriage is achieved, the momentum of each commuter ceases. Never mind that there is a yawning void within that would easily accommodate the twenty clamouring behind. And despite this identical situation occurring the last 750 trips, inertia. A lab rat could grasp this in a single day! For humanity’s sake, keep moving in!

So. Anyway. Time for egress. Once more a curious hint of recognised mutual suffering is displayed. Those on the platform being pulled into will often actually stand either side of the opening doors to allow smoothish passage from within. Wow. (A routine exception to this phenomenon is witnessed at Martin Place. Telling?)

Finally, the station exposes us to one more opportunity to show our minimum regard. The escalators. This is a pet topic all on its own so I'll simply reiterate that the inability of the adult mind, after years of repeated drilling, to equate left with “stand” and right with “walk” never fails to leave me perplexed.

Anyway - this just lands on the beach of this whole sub-continent in the world of "why why why" - there are dark jungles beyond few would wish to explore. As individuals we probably can’t do much to change the greater machinations of public transport. But we can change the way we treat each other. I don’t care if I sound like George Kostanza when he exasperated: “You know, we’re living in a society!”. Ultimately, we’re all only in this for one ride together – why not get along? I don’t believe in Karma in a mystical sense but I do believe that consideration shown to others will yield positive return. Join me. It won’t hurt a bit.

Ear hair

Ear hair. Why why why?

Now, you thirty-something (and beyond) guys, when you consider how much plucking, waxing, electrolysis, dyeing, cold-creaming etc that girls have done to be attractive to you - the least you could do is attend to that little outcrop in your ears.

They may never enter your head but they will shoot out of it, they will be noticed and they will not score you any points. (A little nostril alertness wouldn’t go amiss either...)

Toothpaste

Why why why squeeze toothpaste from the top?

This is more than observing simple quirks of practice – it is one of the classic societal rifts – separating the top squeezers, bottom squeezers (and the less often sighted, middle squeezer) brings to light indications of each group’s overall character and tendency.

The curious thing is that all members of all groups understand the physics involved at an intrinsic level, yet choose to respond in their own particular, revealing way.

No one can dispute that the tube’s contents must travel from the sealed end to the open end. And yet…

Something in the top squeezer’s mind says to perform the action near to the point the paste is dispensed and completely overlook the (undisputed) fact that that same action also pushes the majority of the contents in the wrong direction.

The bottom squeezer can only see the rational – the contents must move from the bottom to the top, he knows that the desired end product of his actions will appear (and continue to appear) therefore this is the only place to apply pressure - for him there is no other option.

The middle squeezer? Something more primal is going on here that I can’t fully comprehend – but not giving a damn is probably wrapped up in it.

A degree of not giving a damn is likely on the top squeezer’s mind as well, especially if they co-habit with a bottom squeezer. They know that the BS compulsion will restock their top-of-tube needs and their instant-gratification-with-no-thought-to-later-consequences needs are met.

What I find most telling (as a BS) is that when presenting the logical case to a TS there is no hint of desire to change their practice.

As a rational, if I am presented with a modification in behaviour that demonstrates clear advantage, I need no persuasion – the improved method is actively adopted until something better comes along.

The TS mentality betrays a broader tendency to contrarily not take on a clearly more rational behaviour for the very reason that someone has pointed it out to them. (And I’m looking at you, every single woman in the world, ever)

Burnt Toast

Why why why bother with burnt toast?

I guess it just comes down to personal values, but if I’ve burnt a piece of toast so badly that, to approach an edible state, I have to scrape off layers of blackened ash, it’d have to the last piece and I’d have to be desperate.

Just, you know, make another piece. (You can be sure it won’t take as long as it took to burn the first piece...)

3 Choices with Steam Rice

Why why why do we tolerate paying more for "2 choices with steam rice"?

When you're making your selection from the bain-marie bounty, you're not buying a service - you're buying a product.

OK - there is a tiny amount of extra work involved in slopping out the 2nd or 3rd option (situated centimetres away) but never-the-less, what you are really paying for is quantity - and you ain't getting any more of that just because there's 3 different flavours. 

Sure, in an a la carte situation, this practice is valid.

But every dish forming its tantalising skin in front of you was prepared in advance - there's been no special preparation required and so no reason to justify charging up to 50% more for exactly the same amount of food.

Is this being all hard on those poor, struggling mall caterers trying to make an honest buck? 

Clearly, I think not. 

And the first establishment that promotes as many variations as you want to squeeze into one container for the one price - is going to be popular.

Elevator pitch

Why why why try to enter an elevator before letting others exit?

You know, one sees - daily - instances of actions performed that suggest that those performing them are doing so for the very first time in their lives.

What else could explain the complete ignorance (utter lack of consideration?) of the consequences of something so fundamental as... trying to get on to an elevator at the same time as others are attempting to get off? (Say...)

Time and time and time again, I'll be the position of egressor (is that a word?) - the one getting off - and someone else  waiting on that floor to get on... WILL NOT WAIT until I complete my obviously intended manoeuvre. 

They'd rather barge in, against the current as it were, then - here's the niggly part - then react as if the resultant clash has never occurred anytime previously in their entire existence. 

Ha? Wha? 

There's no answer, I know - but it doesn't stop me wondering how the HELL they can't see that simply allowing those who wish to, the space to get off, THEN stepping in - unimpeded - is the way to go.

And yet - despite the fact that that clash MUST have happened to them in the past - the practice persists.

Sigh - there is no rest for the rational.

Toilet Paper - the wrong way

Why why why put toilet paper on its holder the wrong way?

There’s a wrong way? Oh, yes.

Installing the roll with the flow towards the wall (under) is just plain inefficient - it’s harder to reach the end and trickier to tear when you do. 

Have you ever walked into a hotel bathroom and seen it that way? No.

(And you know what group commits this malpractice the most often? Well, you'll see this entry has a 'Sexism' tag)

(You know what else? If I find it 'wrong' - I make it right - that's how strongly I feel about it)

Away from the wall (over) makes all the sense. End of story.

(But stay tuned for the toilet seat myth - it's a doozy)

Women and jumpers

Why why why do women remove their jumpers inside-out?

I’m not going to generalise and say all women do it all the time (you can’t really generalise about anything), I’m just saying it’s definitely frequent enough to warrant comment...

For me, though, it typifies a 'general frequency' of the female reluctance to adopt a practise - EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW IT IS SUPERIOR - (there's trouble, right there...)

See, if you take jumpers off right-way-out to begin with, you don’t have to revert them - every... single... time. 

The funny thing is, once you figure out how to do that (not difficult in itself) - I think it's actually easier than doing it, well, 'wrong'.

How is it done? Simple! Don’t pull from the bottom - grip the top by the collar and when you’ve got that bit past your head, remove from arms by grabbing the cuffs. Voila!

Kitchen Cupboards

Why why why place cups and glasses upside down in your kitchen cupboard?

I'll bet everyone who does this is pretty sure there's a rational reason for this practise - but will have difficulty convincingly verbalising it.

(Don't I sound cantankerous?)

But why shouldn't you? You may ask...

Well, consider - there would not be a kitchen in the world that does not have little unhygienic beasties skittering about in the cupboards. Show me an Aussie kitchen without cockies.

And dust. No matter how thorough you are, there is a fresh (or stale) film building even moments after you last wiped.

OK - so that's the state of the surfaces in your cupboards.

Which brings us back to our upended cups etc. The rims of which now resting on the distinctly undesirable residue.

And what is the part of the cup that we press to our lips as we take a drink?

Personally, I'm glad my drinking edge has been up out of reach of the nasties.

Undercover Umbrellas

Why why why keep an umbrella up where it isn’t raining?

If you’re walking ‘round town and it’s bucketing down, you’ll naturally find the most congested areas are under shop awnings. This, obviously, is because rain does not fall there. 

Yet, despite this, there is always a contingent that persist in barging through the crowds, brollies aloft at full spread.

Apart from just looking silly, this is a display of supreme ignorance and/or carelessness as to the physical well-being of their fellow pedestrians when they present a circle of spikes at a dangerous coincidence to eye height (mine in particular). 

Dishwashing suds

Why why why is the power of a dishwashing detergent measured by its suds?

Contrary to popular opinion, suds in no way contribute to cleaning power. It's all in how much detergent you use. Here's a radical behaviour shift - try putting it in your water after filling the sink... Who does that? Nobody, right? But I assure you, it’s just as effective at shifting grease

...and you don’t get all that bloody froth.