Monday, January 10, 2011

Finger on the button


Why why why did the belief develop that repeated pressing of the button on a elevator/photocopier/pedestrian crossing would somehow speed its operation?
It doesn’t.
(OK, I know it’s done as a vent for frustration, I’m really gloating about my own patience.)
(And, I guess, a certain stubbornness to NOT do what is clearly so instinctive)
(Besides which, is there any more insidious way to spread contagion than these very focussed hotspots of public contact? How many times do you really want to press your fingertips against them?)

Teabags in the sink

Why why why toss used teabags in the sink?

I don't 'get' tea anyway, I'm all about coffee... but I've seen tea drinkers the world over share this unfathomable - what is it? - "habit"? ...Plonking their gross little afterbirths on the stainless steel - to maybe, eventually, discard some time, who knows when? After it 'drains'? I'll tell you - bugger all more drains past that first squeeze and surely - surely - it’s just as easy to hit the bin - it is, after all, where they’re going to end up anyway...

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Public Transport

Why why why is public transport so antisocial?

Twice a day so many of us are emphatically reminded that we have become mindless drones. How did we let it happen? How did we accept that joining the daily livestock transport to our daily drudge was a normal existence? 

Public transport. There’s clearly an innate, if not consciously acknowledged, loathing of it as we engineer our morning preparations so that arrival at stops and stations will be at the last possible minute. And maybe it’s that established inner despising of this inescapable, robotic indignity that causes us to treat everyone else subjected to it with such lack of care.

Spontaneous interaction at a bus stop is rare – there’s never a “Nice day”, at best you’ll get a grumbled agreement on scheduling deficiencies. From the moment a bus arrives you can sense every commuter’s judgement of every other as inferior. Queuing? Ha! It’s everyone for themselves. “You’re buying a ticket?”, anyone caught behind is thinking, “Why weren’t you organised enough to buy a pass? Cretin.” And the driver is perpetually bemused that no-one uses the machine next to him/her.

Even though we know the bus will be full in two stops we’d sooner die than sit next to a stranger as long as there’s an empty seat. (It can’t be for the window – it’s the same dreary view as yesterday.) Try plonking yourself next to someone “prematurely” and you’ll receive a look usually reserved for lepers. And when seating capacity is reached and it’s standing room only we expose our inability to learn what must be life’s most difficult lesson. Despite being coached day after interminable day the modern bus traveller is incapable, incapable, of moving to the back without being told.

Yet there is glimmer of unity as the bus pulls up to a stop – for some reason a fellow passenger’s needs will be considered if only to join in a chorus of “Back door, driver!”.

If you take a bus and a train your fun is doubled. Train travel has brought about its own subtly unique conditionings. Here, for instance, we see a juvenile mindset that survives heartily into adulthood, ie: once an immediate need is met no broader consequences can be considered. Notably, entry into a train. (Again, every man for themselves.) But the instant footfall onto the carriage is achieved, the momentum of each commuter ceases. Never mind that there is a yawning void within that would easily accommodate the twenty clamouring behind. And despite this identical situation occurring the last 750 trips, inertia. A lab rat could grasp this in a single day! For humanity’s sake, keep moving in!

So. Anyway. Time for egress. Once more a curious hint of recognised mutual suffering is displayed. Those on the platform being pulled into will often actually stand either side of the opening doors to allow smoothish passage from within. Wow. (A routine exception to this phenomenon is witnessed at Martin Place. Telling?)

Finally, the station exposes us to one more opportunity to show our minimum regard. The escalators. This is a pet topic all on its own so I'll simply reiterate that the inability of the adult mind, after years of repeated drilling, to equate left with “stand” and right with “walk” never fails to leave me perplexed.

Anyway - this just lands on the beach of this whole sub-continent in the world of "why why why" - there are dark jungles beyond few would wish to explore. As individuals we probably can’t do much to change the greater machinations of public transport. But we can change the way we treat each other. I don’t care if I sound like George Kostanza when he exasperated: “You know, we’re living in a society!”. Ultimately, we’re all only in this for one ride together – why not get along? I don’t believe in Karma in a mystical sense but I do believe that consideration shown to others will yield positive return. Join me. It won’t hurt a bit.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Ear hair

Ear hair. Why why why?

Now, you thirty-something (and beyond) guys, when you consider how much plucking, waxing, electrolysis, dyeing, cold-creaming etc that girls have done to be attractive to you - the least you could do is attend to that little outcrop in your ears.

They may never enter your head but they will shoot out of it, they will be noticed and they will not score you any points. (A little nostril alertness wouldn’t go amiss either...)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Toothpaste

Why why why squeeze toothpaste from the top?

This is more than observing simple quirks of practice – it is one of the classic societal rifts – separating the top squeezers, bottom squeezers (and the less often sighted, middle squeezer) brings to light indications of each group’s overall character and tendency.

The curious thing is that all members of all groups understand the physics involved at an intrinsic level, yet choose to respond in their own particular, revealing way.

No one can dispute that the tube’s contents must travel from the sealed end to the open end. And yet…

Something in the top squeezer’s mind says to perform the action near to the point the paste is dispensed and completely overlook the (undisputed) fact that that same action also pushes the majority of the contents in the wrong direction.

The bottom squeezer can only see the rational – the contents must move from the bottom to the top, he knows that the desired end product of his actions will appear (and continue to appear) therefore this is the only place to apply pressure - for him there is no other option.

The middle squeezer? Something more primal is going on here that I can’t fully comprehend – but not giving a damn is probably wrapped up in it.

A degree of not giving a damn is likely on the top squeezer’s mind as well, especially if they co-habit with a bottom squeezer. They know that the BS compulsion will restock their top-of-tube needs and their instant-gratification-with-no-thought-to-later-consequences needs are met.

What I find most telling (as a BS) is that when presenting the logical case to a TS there is no hint of desire to change their practice.

As a rational, if I am presented with a modification in behaviour that demonstrates clear advantage, I need no persuasion – the improved method is actively adopted until something better comes along.

The TS mentality betrays a broader tendency to contrarily not take on a clearly more rational behaviour for the very reason that someone has pointed it out to them. (And I’m looking at you, every single woman in the world, ever)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Burnt Toast

Why why why bother with burnt toast?

I guess it just comes down to personal values, but if I’ve burnt a piece of toast so badly that, to approach an edible state, I have to scrape off layers of blackened ash, it’d have to the last piece and I’d have to be desperate.

Just, you know, make another piece. (You can be sure it won’t take as long as it took to burn the first piece...)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

3 Choices with Steam Rice


Why why why do we tolerate paying more for "2 choices with steam rice"?
When you're making your selection from the bain-marie bounty, you're not buying a service - you're buying a product.
OK - there is a tiny amount of extra work involved in slopping out the 2nd or 3rd option (situated centimetres away) but never-the-less, what you are really paying for is quantity - and you ain't getting any more of that just because there's 3 different flavours. 
Sure, in an a la carte situation, this practice is valid.
But every dish forming its tantalising skin in front of you was prepared in advance - there's been no special preparation required and so no reason to justify charging up to 50% more for exactly the same amount of food.
Is this being all hard on those poor, struggling mall caterers trying to make an honest buck? 
Clearly, I think not. 
And the first establishment that promotes as many variations as you want to squeeze into one container for the one price - is going to be popular.